I was recently taken aback by someone's unfavorable description of me, loudly and poignantly stated in front of numerous co-workers at an end of year celebration in a bar. Now that I have set the scene for the first conflict I have had with another girl since probably the beginning of high school, I must share a poem that I wrote about the incident:
Is there truth in your lies?
Why is it me you despise?
What could I possibly have done
To invoke a rage that would blister the sun
Your venomous words and the poison you spew
are a clear and direct reflection of you
NO one intends to cause so much stress and pain
Unless they have something valuable to gain
What is it you want then...you deepest desire?
I hope it was worth setting our friendship on fire
You can flush any apologies down the shitter
I no longer want to act as your emotional babysitter
There is nothing to salvage, no relationship to maintain
The energies of these two years have been lost in vain
The funny thing is you do this to yourself
You dig a hole, jump in, and then cry for help
I wish you the best as you move on to the rest
But my happiness, joy and fun you will no longer repress
And now I shall go camping in Sedona and have a wicked good time. Peace out. Happy Memorial Day.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
to reap no reward, see no seed flower bloom
Hypothetical question. You are renting a house and it has a garden. The garden is very visually stimulating. It is unique in look and the flowers give off a particularly pleasing smell. You have enjoyed starring out at this garden while you have lived in the house and have grown rather fond of all it's splendor. Taking care of the garden is no easy task but you do the best you can. Of course you were not always sure of what to do with the garden. Watering the plans is a chore, one week you watered far far far too much and the entire garden is almost ruined. One day, your landlord calls and says that you have to move out, you have a few short weeks left on your lease and then someone else will take over. This is not surprising news, you were after all really looking forward to moving and you yourself decided to not sign the lease again. But now what to do about the garden? You will certainly miss peaceful strolls, listening to the birds chirping and touching the lavender petals that are covered in morning dew. But it's not like there are no other gardens out there. Maybe other gardens are easier to maintain, not such a hassle to hoe down from their overgrowing weeds and problematic roots. There will be more exotic gardens and very standard ones, it would be nice to continue exploring those exiting environments. So what do you do with the garden that you have now? Knowing that you are leaving makes it easy to just let it run itself, let the weeds creep up over the sidewalk and the flowers shiver up into a crunchy remnant of the beauty they once commanded. Does it make sense to continue nourishing the earth that it grows from, water and prune the plants if in the near future you will not have the pleasure of enjoying the view you create? Do you continue to put forth effort for your garden if you will not reap the rewards of your labor? Or do you continue to give love or do you place your energies and efforts elsewhere?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Like a Vulcan, angry for the very first time (sing to the tune of Madonna's Virgin)
Star Date 13.9 May 2010
This is Captain's blog from Olenka Enterprise. She is a 23 year old ship that has set sail on a two year mission to leave the college life as we know it, explore strange new worlds in the Glendale part of the Arizona galaxy, tame wild civilizations between the ages of 10 and 14 and boldly go where no Ukrainian has gone before- A late night ASU class. Luckily, our journey aboard this starcraft is nearly over. We have encountered many challenges during this time in the vastness of space and doubt but tomorrow, (with the entire fleet still intact) we will have a moment of celebration as we land back safely on the familiar confines of planet Graduation. It is indeed a comforting feeling to know that in the next twenty four hours another chapter can be closed for this battleship as she docks in the ASU auditorium port and we proudly march in line to get our victory diplomas. Friends and families will be there to cheer us in victory and we will laugh at the once scary tales of research papers and five step ELD lesson plans. As captain I must preside over the proceedings and reflecting over the last two years I have decided to give an informal account of the struggles that this ship faced. Realizing how many times we had gone into battle, when the shields have been down and enemy vessels attacking our transportation bay I know that it has been only through luck, hard work and an amazing crew that we have made it this far.
Thanks are definitely in order.
Though this is no Oscar worthy speech, there are words of great gratitude that need to be relayed because without the ensigns and copilots and engineering staff, hell, without the entire crew this ship would have been down and out for the count a long time ago.
First, typical, I must thank my parents. They are solid. They have weathered photon rays (in the form of piercings) and grumpiness as well as ill health on the part of the Captain (common job hazard- germy aliens!) and have never failed to take over the deck or even visit captain's quarters when needed. Their unwavering stance in the line of fire has earned them purple hearts. Thank you for pushing me at the speed of warp five so I will one day arrive at the destination of destiny and fulfillment.
There has not been a sustainable or consistent sub-commander during these two years of journey. I appreciate all those who's applications I have reviewed but it seems like this ship needs no right hand man.The interview process was most certainly enjoyed with many of you and there did seem to be some potential in certain cases, however, I regret to inform you, no one has made the cut. That is not to say that there have not been lessons learned, mountains climbed and barriers overcome thanks to your brief stay in the Captain's quarters. In the end, there seem to be far too many flaws in the co-pilot system- the course may be plotted incorrectly or the Captain may be too emotionally involved in the mission to make positive choices for the crew and there just isn't enough time to train you properly for all of the duties you have to perform. So for now, and possibly for the remained of my time as Captain, I choose to fly alone.
Crew- Friends, Teachers, People I have interacted with at any point in time, you have all shared with me a beautiful part of yourself and I truly appreciate the interactions, conversations and smiles we have been able to exchange. Some I rarely see because they are working far below the deck, others are in my line of sight from dawn till night because we work the same shifts on the bridge. I have only become a better Captain and more capable of steering my vessel because you have chosen to give me a part of your time, intellect and positive energy. For all the hard work you have done for this mission, I salute you.
Aliens- You crazy wild creatures with exceptionalities like I have never seen before my voyage into space. It has been a true challenge to learn how you communicate, give peace offerings and try to instill in your stellar souls some of the knowledge I have brought from my planet. Some of the species I have encountered during my time have been hostile. They are also my favorite subjects. Unhoned aliens you must know that this journey of discovery has been all for your benefit. Hopefully you have now a piece of information that will help you further your technology, expand your career options and increase your lifespan. I have grown deeply invested in your civilizations and hope the the progress continues exponentially as I set my coordinates for another galaxy. Studying you has brought on stress but also stretched my boundaries as a person. You have been as much of a teacher to me as I have tried to be for you. Dearly beloved aliens- live long and prosper.
Roomie- thank you for putting up with my high tolerance for dirt and mess, and for listening to me while I let off steam after a long day on the bridge. You are a remarkable archeologist and I am glad that the dig sight you have discovered your second year has brought so much understanding about alien life into our humble home. You are the reason that sesame seed oil brings me thoughts of comfort and joy. Continue to do work on the alien planets with the same enthusiasm and tackle life challenges with the same brilliant mentality that has brought you to this point. <3
Dreamteam- It is only fitting to mention the special operatives that I have been training for the past two months. You are a ruthless bunch and I love you for it. Coaching you has been simply- awesome. I have never felt so influential and relied upon and I loved how hard you worked, and how much you were able to achieve. The lesson I learned, better late than never, was something that the dictators back on TFA have been saying all along- set the bar high. Motivate. and you WILL ACHIEVE. I want to adopt every last one of you when I am done with the high stakes galaxy exploring game.
I know tomorrow will be a good day because I have a perfectly ripe mango waiting for me in the holodeck. Goodnight.
This is Captain's blog from Olenka Enterprise. She is a 23 year old ship that has set sail on a two year mission to leave the college life as we know it, explore strange new worlds in the Glendale part of the Arizona galaxy, tame wild civilizations between the ages of 10 and 14 and boldly go where no Ukrainian has gone before- A late night ASU class. Luckily, our journey aboard this starcraft is nearly over. We have encountered many challenges during this time in the vastness of space and doubt but tomorrow, (with the entire fleet still intact) we will have a moment of celebration as we land back safely on the familiar confines of planet Graduation. It is indeed a comforting feeling to know that in the next twenty four hours another chapter can be closed for this battleship as she docks in the ASU auditorium port and we proudly march in line to get our victory diplomas. Friends and families will be there to cheer us in victory and we will laugh at the once scary tales of research papers and five step ELD lesson plans. As captain I must preside over the proceedings and reflecting over the last two years I have decided to give an informal account of the struggles that this ship faced. Realizing how many times we had gone into battle, when the shields have been down and enemy vessels attacking our transportation bay I know that it has been only through luck, hard work and an amazing crew that we have made it this far.
Thanks are definitely in order.
Though this is no Oscar worthy speech, there are words of great gratitude that need to be relayed because without the ensigns and copilots and engineering staff, hell, without the entire crew this ship would have been down and out for the count a long time ago.
First, typical, I must thank my parents. They are solid. They have weathered photon rays (in the form of piercings) and grumpiness as well as ill health on the part of the Captain (common job hazard- germy aliens!) and have never failed to take over the deck or even visit captain's quarters when needed. Their unwavering stance in the line of fire has earned them purple hearts. Thank you for pushing me at the speed of warp five so I will one day arrive at the destination of destiny and fulfillment.
There has not been a sustainable or consistent sub-commander during these two years of journey. I appreciate all those who's applications I have reviewed but it seems like this ship needs no right hand man.The interview process was most certainly enjoyed with many of you and there did seem to be some potential in certain cases, however, I regret to inform you, no one has made the cut. That is not to say that there have not been lessons learned, mountains climbed and barriers overcome thanks to your brief stay in the Captain's quarters. In the end, there seem to be far too many flaws in the co-pilot system- the course may be plotted incorrectly or the Captain may be too emotionally involved in the mission to make positive choices for the crew and there just isn't enough time to train you properly for all of the duties you have to perform. So for now, and possibly for the remained of my time as Captain, I choose to fly alone.
Crew- Friends, Teachers, People I have interacted with at any point in time, you have all shared with me a beautiful part of yourself and I truly appreciate the interactions, conversations and smiles we have been able to exchange. Some I rarely see because they are working far below the deck, others are in my line of sight from dawn till night because we work the same shifts on the bridge. I have only become a better Captain and more capable of steering my vessel because you have chosen to give me a part of your time, intellect and positive energy. For all the hard work you have done for this mission, I salute you.
Aliens- You crazy wild creatures with exceptionalities like I have never seen before my voyage into space. It has been a true challenge to learn how you communicate, give peace offerings and try to instill in your stellar souls some of the knowledge I have brought from my planet. Some of the species I have encountered during my time have been hostile. They are also my favorite subjects. Unhoned aliens you must know that this journey of discovery has been all for your benefit. Hopefully you have now a piece of information that will help you further your technology, expand your career options and increase your lifespan. I have grown deeply invested in your civilizations and hope the the progress continues exponentially as I set my coordinates for another galaxy. Studying you has brought on stress but also stretched my boundaries as a person. You have been as much of a teacher to me as I have tried to be for you. Dearly beloved aliens- live long and prosper.
Roomie- thank you for putting up with my high tolerance for dirt and mess, and for listening to me while I let off steam after a long day on the bridge. You are a remarkable archeologist and I am glad that the dig sight you have discovered your second year has brought so much understanding about alien life into our humble home. You are the reason that sesame seed oil brings me thoughts of comfort and joy. Continue to do work on the alien planets with the same enthusiasm and tackle life challenges with the same brilliant mentality that has brought you to this point. <3
Dreamteam- It is only fitting to mention the special operatives that I have been training for the past two months. You are a ruthless bunch and I love you for it. Coaching you has been simply- awesome. I have never felt so influential and relied upon and I loved how hard you worked, and how much you were able to achieve. The lesson I learned, better late than never, was something that the dictators back on TFA have been saying all along- set the bar high. Motivate. and you WILL ACHIEVE. I want to adopt every last one of you when I am done with the high stakes galaxy exploring game.
I know tomorrow will be a good day because I have a perfectly ripe mango waiting for me in the holodeck. Goodnight.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Dreamteam Domination.
Well, it is Thursday evening, as our regularly scheduled programming dictates, I must blog. Since I just got home after a busy 13 hours of work, GEO, Softball and socializing this post will be short, but very very sweet. :)
I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to coach the 5/6 softball team. Today they kicked some very serious ass. The score: 20-1 does not even give justice to the power of confidence and positive attitude (we prayed as a team before the game) that has overtaken us as we entered our first elimination round. The boys were pumped yet focused and watching them all squat(there is not a word more graceful) into perfect stances as the captain called them to "Ready position" nearly brought me to tears of joy. Nearly, but not quite, since I was still "coach" enough to shout at them that their complaining during wall sits was now transformed into amazing back posture and a seriously fierce looking team.
I must also gush about the hitting. EVERY SINGLE PLAYER hit BEYOND expectation. And let me just say that Ms. Russo and I set the bar pretty high. Once the battle of the bats has started, there really was no way to put out their little fires. The pitcher, who in the past has struggled with hitting did an amazing drive through the shortstop and brought in the loaded bases. I don't think I stopped screaming or jumping up and down until the whole bench was done congratulating him on his grand slam. I only wish that his amazingly supportive dad would have been able to see it.
Overall, the event had all the parents on their feet shouting words of praise at their respective children as they dominated. The end of the game, a slight relief and even more excitement that we moved on in the playoffs was topped with watching the families clear the field. Some guided younger siblings though the crowds, others (these are 6th grade boys may I remind you) were holding hands with grandma as she berated them with Spanish love. The adorable parents hugging their adorable children. At that moment, they were not behavior problems as school, they were not failing math and they were not having fights on the playground, everything was happy and nothing hurt (stolen from Kurt Vonnegut). And that is how all softball games should end, everyone walking off the field and feeling like a fucking champion.
I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to coach the 5/6 softball team. Today they kicked some very serious ass. The score: 20-1 does not even give justice to the power of confidence and positive attitude (we prayed as a team before the game) that has overtaken us as we entered our first elimination round. The boys were pumped yet focused and watching them all squat(there is not a word more graceful) into perfect stances as the captain called them to "Ready position" nearly brought me to tears of joy. Nearly, but not quite, since I was still "coach" enough to shout at them that their complaining during wall sits was now transformed into amazing back posture and a seriously fierce looking team.
I must also gush about the hitting. EVERY SINGLE PLAYER hit BEYOND expectation. And let me just say that Ms. Russo and I set the bar pretty high. Once the battle of the bats has started, there really was no way to put out their little fires. The pitcher, who in the past has struggled with hitting did an amazing drive through the shortstop and brought in the loaded bases. I don't think I stopped screaming or jumping up and down until the whole bench was done congratulating him on his grand slam. I only wish that his amazingly supportive dad would have been able to see it.
Overall, the event had all the parents on their feet shouting words of praise at their respective children as they dominated. The end of the game, a slight relief and even more excitement that we moved on in the playoffs was topped with watching the families clear the field. Some guided younger siblings though the crowds, others (these are 6th grade boys may I remind you) were holding hands with grandma as she berated them with Spanish love. The adorable parents hugging their adorable children. At that moment, they were not behavior problems as school, they were not failing math and they were not having fights on the playground, everything was happy and nothing hurt (stolen from Kurt Vonnegut). And that is how all softball games should end, everyone walking off the field and feeling like a fucking champion.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Bucket List: Pre-Korea
Two times in one night, how do you like that?
If you are referring to blog posts, count me in!
I was thinking, today is two months from my scheduled departure date. I have a few things that I wanted to accomplish until then, so I made a makeshift bucket list to help me out. If there are any other suggestions, please feel free to add you faithful reader you!!! (this means you jessica)
Here we go:
- perform a slam poem at the fairtrade cafe open mike. (glllll, Jordan help me!)
- score one freaking lousy point in a real basketball game at encanto park. ONE,ONE!!!
- paint the most "epic" canvas ever, thanks to Hayfa for helping kick it off!! :)
- go to a beach...mexico, cali, bahamas, I ain't picky...a beach is a beach
- zumba with steph. (lets show them what we got sfunk!)
- get tragus pierces, again Jordan, I'm counting on you!
- Salt River tubing, I'm practically a native and I still haven't gone
- Walk dogs with Sarah at the Humane Society in Tucson :)
- Pizza and Beer on the last day of school- VEGAN NO MORE
- 1,000 crunches a day.
- Pinata in the park, if its filled in angst, even better
- See my dreamteam boys play in championship game
- Dance at Amsterdam with Jack
- See suns game with Olen, I'm guessing we need a really seedy bar that doesn't check for I.D.
- Baseball game with Lianne, lets see how the pros do it
- Watch an episode of the Office with Jeremy and have a life talk
- See Natalie off to NYC in style! Get it Guuuurl.
- Have Jessica teach me another recipe I will become obsessed with
- Trip to Tucson with Hayfa. June 4th.
- Go to a yoga class with Court
- Have a day of "oregon" goodness with Emily, I see a farmers market, tennis and a hike in which you tell me about nature in our near future
- Eat Indian food with Gayle (if Raji wants to cook, ill be ok with it)
- Convince my dad to take me on his motorcycle for a spin
- Shave a part of my head.
Since the last one was a little extreme I better stop now before I'm adopting a starving orphan or joining the circus. All in due time, Olenka. All in due time.
If you are referring to blog posts, count me in!
I was thinking, today is two months from my scheduled departure date. I have a few things that I wanted to accomplish until then, so I made a makeshift bucket list to help me out. If there are any other suggestions, please feel free to add you faithful reader you!!! (this means you jessica)
Here we go:
- perform a slam poem at the fairtrade cafe open mike. (glllll, Jordan help me!)
- score one freaking lousy point in a real basketball game at encanto park. ONE,ONE!!!
- paint the most "epic" canvas ever, thanks to Hayfa for helping kick it off!! :)
- go to a beach...mexico, cali, bahamas, I ain't picky...a beach is a beach
- zumba with steph. (lets show them what we got sfunk!)
- get tragus pierces, again Jordan, I'm counting on you!
- Salt River tubing, I'm practically a native and I still haven't gone
- Walk dogs with Sarah at the Humane Society in Tucson :)
- Pizza and Beer on the last day of school- VEGAN NO MORE
- 1,000 crunches a day.
- Pinata in the park, if its filled in angst, even better
- See my dreamteam boys play in championship game
- Dance at Amsterdam with Jack
- See suns game with Olen, I'm guessing we need a really seedy bar that doesn't check for I.D.
- Baseball game with Lianne, lets see how the pros do it
- Watch an episode of the Office with Jeremy and have a life talk
- See Natalie off to NYC in style! Get it Guuuurl.
- Have Jessica teach me another recipe I will become obsessed with
- Trip to Tucson with Hayfa. June 4th.
- Go to a yoga class with Court
- Have a day of "oregon" goodness with Emily, I see a farmers market, tennis and a hike in which you tell me about nature in our near future
- Eat Indian food with Gayle (if Raji wants to cook, ill be ok with it)
- Convince my dad to take me on his motorcycle for a spin
- Shave a part of my head.
Since the last one was a little extreme I better stop now before I'm adopting a starving orphan or joining the circus. All in due time, Olenka. All in due time.
Sailor Jerry!
So recently i had a great experience with my parents. They came back from a sailing venture that was rather eventful. They proceeded to tell me about their adventure while sipping (to put it lightly, half the bottle was gone by the end of dinner) on some Captain Jerry Rum. Now, I did not try any of the booze, but I did learn a valuable lesson. As they unfolded the wretched tale for me, each one jumping in to fill the missing pieces, it looked like my parents had been to hell and back on their boat. The wind had taken over around noon and they did not stop fighting the rocking, and near capsizing for 5 hours. I could almost hear my mom's wimpy cries of "Yurko!! Aaay!" My dad, being the coolest cucumber even in situations of dire distress commented that there was an hour of time which he was trying to plan out the shortest swim to shore had the boat gone under. But in the end, the clear grin on my dads face, and the one my mom tried to hide behind rolled eyes her signature grouchy smile told me that they had lived life to the max that day, and ultimately enjoyed it. As they devoured my vegan enchiladas (side note: vegan enchiladas > cheese enchiladas, though green chile is and forever will be enchilada king) My dad went on to explain that they had truly survived that day, recounting how my mom after hours of panic and whining bravely took down the jib knee deep in water without a peep. He went on to say that this experience, much like the time he took me and my horrid skiing skills down a double black diamond without any poles, was to teach a lesson- you must defeat the worst, survive the impossible, in order to have perspective on the world. Now, he points out, I enjoy my easy blue level runs, but I know that was I faced with a situation where I had to go down a double black, I have experience on how to do it. Every now and then, I do choose the double black, it makes me sweat and my heart pounds, but like my mom (From now on to be addressed as Sailor Jerry)hardened at sea after a "perfect storm" scenario, I too will chose the metaphorical high seas as a challenge just to know that when a time comes when struggle is not a choice, I will be ready.
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