I believe the old addage goes a little like this: there are only two guarantees in life- death and taxes.
Being that up to this point I have managed to escape paying taxes {(wooo for being a full time student and a full time employee, ASU was good for something...) and even had my mom's HELP in doing most of them, lets be real- I just sat there and nodded as she explained it and then she ended up doing them mostly herself anyway(shit, im more wordy than normal today} I now come to expect that death is the only sure truth in this crazy ass world we live in. That being said, how do ya'll feel about it?
A friend and I had a really amazing conversation a few months back about the millions of outlooks one can pick to use when contemplating life. Factors such as religion, upbringing, motivation, personality all came up as valid components...and then I mentioned death. What role does death play in this whole LIFE thing you may ask. It is the end of all the fun, the final curtain call, el fin. Scary right? Contemplating this over in my half shaved head I really enjoy hearing how a person views death because I can infer a lot about them through their thought process. I mean, personally, I don't really have a problem with it because lets face it people, it is the one thing that will for sure happen to each and every one of us and our loved ones. That is not to say that it is not a sad event or one that should be avoided (wear your seatbelt) but even if the even that causes the death is surprising, the idea of death should certainly not be.
My dear friend Jeremy and I started this "game" that I also ask people to play with me when I am trying to understand their "essence" and to this date it has spawned really creative and telling results. You set this up for someone, and let them at it "Imagine that a picture was taken of you at any point in your life that captures you at your most shining moment, in a sense it captures your essense/soul/personality at a point in your life you feel the most "you"...explain what i would see in that picture" sometimes it take a little prying and prodding to get the person to respond but many have surprised themselves and me with their answers. Here is a sample of real answers:
- walking into the house from a day of being a doctor to an excited bundle of children and wife to have a family dinner
-standing on top of a Mexican Indian ruin with mom, doing the rocky pose
-a three pact picture of wild youth, laughing with family, and then an adventurous retirement
-nothing (we are working on this one...)
-watching with spouse as the youngest child graduates college
Here is mine: I am walking through the bazar in Morocco, holding my youngest baby in my right hand, with my left I am holding on to my second youngest and pointing things out at the same time, there are two others running ahead and laughing. There is a certain radient glow from the sun that makes our various skin colors extra tan and a flirtacious warm breeze ruffles my long flowy dress and tangles the different textures of hair the group provides. We are walking along and enjoying the day and window shopping, not purchasing anything, just admiring the various gadgets, fruits and tapestries on sale. Surprise twist: there is no man walking with me in the picture.hmm
So I think the next game I will play will be asking people- "What are your thoughts on death?" I hope to again gain deeper knowledge about the characters around me as they answer this question. I already know my answer, but don't want to give it away quite yet. :)
This was a great post, I remember our conversation on your roof and I'm glad that you continued to ponder it. In an effort to lift my gloomy spirits I'm going to stop thinking of death for a minute and contemplate that picture game you proposed:
ReplyDeleteI think if somebody were to capture me at my happiest, most shining, fulfilled moment I would be sitting at a tiny trattoria in Orvieto, sipping really great red wine and getting a slight buzz. I would be surrounded by 4, maybe 5 really close friends and a boyfriend, the love of my life. The table cloth would be white and under the table would by my hand wrapped between my boyfriend's hand. Candles would light the room, not lamps. I would have a giant smile on my face and I would have just said something in perfect, fluent Italiano.
Anyways thats how I see myself at my happiest. I like this idea, I think I'll forward it onto my blog.
For a lot of us, speaking about death seems to be an almost taboo topic. Maybe not taboo necessarily, but certainly something that makes us uncomfortable. Which is strange and unfortunate, because I think we're the only creature that is actually conscious of the concept of death.
ReplyDeleteWith such a general question - 'what are you thoughts on topic?' it's hard to know how to respond. Fortunately, I've never been forced to really contemplate death. No car accidents, no cancer diagnosis, etc. As the unfortunate consequence of that fact, I probably have a very niave view of the subject. Akin to asking me opinions on, say, South Korean culture, when I've never had any experience of it. So there's my disclaimer - these feelings of mine are highly dependent on my experiences, and could drastically change down the road.
Yet, for the time being, I've come to accept the fact that I will die, and it could be any time. I spend the bulk of my free time running and riding (bicycle) on the road. Flying down the road at 30-50 mph on a bike, with nothing between you and the road, is equally exhilarating and terrifying. But, what's worse, is when thousands of pounds of metal fly by you, just feet away, at 60+ mph. You've heard the phrase - "it's not a matter of if, but when." That holds true with cycling. If you ride, you will crash. So, I understand that I'm taking a risk every time I clip in - one with potentially fatal consequences. Every ride could be my last. And hell, if a car doesn't smash me first, then I'll take the slow death by sun. Spending ~20 hours a week under the AZ sun, without sunscreen (Reckless and stupid, I know), I say with high confidence that I'm doomed to skin-cancer.
With that said, you might ask: do you have a death wish or something?? No. Quite the opposite. I love my life, my friends, family, job, and I've got a ton of ongoing pursuits that I want to see through. Things are just starting to get really interesting! So why risk all of that on a bike? Because it's too much fun. I refuse to deprive myself of all this world has to offer, based on fears of what _might_ or what _could_ happen. Sure, we can take precautions to extend our life, but those same actions can easily start to impede on the great freedoms we have. Put down your stupid umbrella and soak up some sun. I don't care how fair your skin is in your casket. That's like hanging a blank canvas.
Respect the end. The scary part of death, you could say, is not the inevitable act itself, but the uncertainty of it. It could be today, it could be next year, or it could be next century. Most people aren't told how much time they have left. But, once you acknowledge that fact, it's not actually scary - but liberating. It's helped me define some sort of meaning for my actions. Make your dreams goals, and then passionately pursue them, because you *don't* know how long you have to achieve them.
Don't waste time.
I'm sure you could come up with a morbid version of your picture game that could be even more interesting. Something like 'Imagine that a picture is taken of you in your final moments. What do I see?' (Feelings can also be seen in photos.)
I got cut off because of length (whoops!), but I wanted to share two poems I was reminded of.
ReplyDeleteThe first, is a video of open mic night.
http://23moments.com/dont-you-dare-waste-your-fucking-time
The second, is the poem "Instantes" by Jorge Luis Borges. It goes:
If I were able to live my life anew,
In the next I would try to commit more errors.
I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more.
I would be more foolish than I've been,
In fact, I would take few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic.
I would run more risks,
take more vacations,
contemplate more sunsets,
climb more mountains, swim more rivers.
I would go to more places where I've never been,
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans,
I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.
I was one of those people that lived sensibly
and prolifically each minute of his life;
Of course I had moments of happiness.
If I could go back I would try
to have only good moments.
Because if you didn't know, of that is life made:
only of moments; Don't lose the now.
I was one of those that never
went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot-water bottle,
an umbrella, and a parachute;
If I could live again, I would travel lighter.
If I could live again,
I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring
and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends.
I would take more cart rides,
contemplate more dawns,
and play with more children,
If I had another life ahead of me.
But already you see, I am 85,
and I know that I am dying.
Karl! I love the poem. It reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut's Commencement Address at MIT. Ironically in it he tells us to wear sunscreen (A rule I also do not follow). Now it makes me wonder what I would say at the end of my life I missed out on. hmmm.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am interested in hearing about your ideal picture, not the one right before death. Though that is an interesting one! You are bold to go there.
*First, the photo:
ReplyDeleteIt's a simple one. In fact, I was able to find it on Google:
http://imgur.com/Awehd.png
Just swap in my face, add some length to the shorts, and you've got it.
It's me, crossing the finish line at the Ironman Kona, with arms held high and a giant smile on my face.
*Second, the explanation:
A sporting event? Yes. At first, this might seem juvenile. Bare with me. I aspire to do far more than compete in races - running my own business & building a family come to mind. That said, I still chose this photo. The reason being that competition, and specifically endurance events, have hugely affected the person I am, and also represent many of my guiding principles.
Training for and racing in endurace events calls for intense focus, dedication, committment, and perseverance. In essence, it means setting a goal, and working hard to achieve it. I've also learned a ton about myself during races. They say the first half is done with your body, the next 40% with your mind, and the last 10% with your heart. It's that last half of the rest where things start to get interesting.
Ultimately, there are a lot of parallels to be drawn between success in triathlon, and success in the "real world."
So really, the picture is not of me completing Ironman. It is a picture of me accomplishing my goals, and loving every moment - the good with the bad.
When do we hear your thoughts on death?
Well Karl (do I actually know you by the way?) I will try not to come off as completely morbid by answering this question, but I am not afriad of death and I actually truly feel that if I found out that I was going to die tomorrow, I would be ok with it. I think that up until this very minute my life has been pretty epic, I am increadibly grateful for every amazing and non-amazing experience I have had. I feel like for 23 I have accomplished a lot and though there are many things I would still love to do in life, if my plug was to be pulled tomorrow, I would shrug my shoulders and count my blessins up to this point. I feel at peace knowing that everything that is happening is exactly what is supposed to happen, so one is never truly "wronged" by life, they are merely being taught a lesson. If things are shitty, then you have to overcome them, if life is grand, live in those happy moments and make amazing memories. So if my life was to end, I would feel disappointed that I never had the chance to adopt some spectacular children or continue traveling the world, but accepting that truth that death is upon is, I wouldn't be sad because at that moment, it is my time and I cannot be sad over something not happening that isn't supposed to happen. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteThus, I think this outlook makes me more content in general and it is always in the back of my mind when I think about what life choices to make, I never want to think that I have lived poorly up till now because you never know when your time is bound to expire.